“For Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.” (rf. 2 Sam. 13:22 NKJV)
The above passage reflects one of the saddest entries in Israel’s history. David’s son, Amnon had fallen in love with his half-sister, Tamar. Tamar was Absalom’s full sister. Both he and his sibling were the children of a marriage borne of political advantage, King David joining Israel with the king of Geshur by wedding his daughter, Talmai (rf. II Sam. 3:3). Amnon, however, through deceit, took advantage of Tamar and raped her. This act of violence came to light to both Absalom and King David. Yet, because Amnon was son of the king, no justice or negative repercussions came his way, much to Absalom’s consternation. Because of this inaction on David’s part, great bitterness grew in the heart of Absalom. Like all grudges, this one bore fruit later with his murder of Amnon and his rebellion and attempt to overthrow the reign of his father, King David. These actions led to his own violent death (rf. II Sam. 18:14-18). Who needs soap operas? The Bible has its own sordid dramas.
What this excerpt shows in glowing detail is the powerful nature of inhibited anger and bitterness over time in the heart of an individual. We were never designed by God to keep our hurt bottled up nor were we created to address such deep, penetrating pain ourselves. He alone has the capacity to shoulder our griefs and heartache (rf. Is. 53:4) and to deal with them in a right manner. When we try to handle them ourselves, we only come away with a heart full of bitterness and strife, living in a perpetual downward spiral of negativity, always fighting an inward battle of bad memories and harmful, damaging self-images. This is not to mention the adverse and destructive effect our inward feelings have on our outward relationships. One cannot harbor bitter feelings and they not leak out of our pores onto those around us!
The Scriptures themselves bear out these truths. They tell us that our anger can never produce God’s righteousness in our lives (rf. Jas. 1:20). We are told to disperse our anger on the same day that we feel it, but to do so constructively, not destructively, because to harbor it creates a heart full of bitterness (rf. Eph. 4:26). Indeed, the better course, according to God’s Word, is to avoid bitterness and anger altogether; get rid of it if it is present (rf. Eph. 4:31). Be honest with the Lord as to its true cause and nature. He knows what it is already, but He wants us to be accurate in our assessment for our own benefit in our confession to Him. Only then will our request for forgiveness be genuine and thorough. Then, when we are cleansed from the bitterness in our hearts, we should make the commitment to avoid taking that downward spiral ever again by addressing our anger forthrightly when it occurs in the future, sharing it and its cause with the Lord at the outset. He is the One who has promised to take care of all issues regarding His people. That includes matters of the heart and of justice, as needed (rf. Rom. 12:19; Heb. 10:30).
When our hearts are thoroughly emptied of bitterness, negativity, hurt and pain, we will find ourselves refreshed and renewed in ways far beyond the scope of our comprehension. We will see life as the Lord desires for us to—abundant, new and free from the past. We will then be able to pursue Him and His will with a vigor that we have not experienced before.
If your struggle has been with such a burdened heart, my hope is for you to find peace and joy. May the encouragement given be a step in that direction.
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