The calendar turns again to reds and pinks as a reminder to us that February is the month of “love”. Whether with hearts or Cupids, spelled out or implied, we are everywhere immersed in the concept. It is interesting how we so flippantly bounce that word around, “love”, that is, especially in the English language. We say, “I love you” to our spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, dog, cat, favorite car, stuffed animal, pile of cash, etc. There is no difference in the wording, only the meaning we may place on the wording in our hearts.
It is a far different thing in the Greek language. At least the Greeks were wise enough to use distinctions in their words to differentiate their meanings so one would not have to look at the context to discern what or who a person really loved. Let me give you some examples.
If affection was being shared between brothers and sisters or within a family context or even between friends, those using the Greek language of the New Testament times would employ a form of the word, phileo (pronounced fil-ay-o). An example of this usage would be Matthew 10:37 where Jesus declares that we cannot have greater love and affection for our family members than for Him. This is not to say that this type of love is condemned, not all. It has its rightful place within the family or friend context, just not as superior to Christ.
Though it is not employed as a word specifically in Scripture but definitely in concept, eros is the term the Greeks utilized when referencing romantic, intimate or sexual feelings between men and women. Eros would be akin to the KJV’s application of “to know” as in “Adam knew Eve” (rf. Genesis 4:1a). It obviously means so much more than intellectual knowledge; it is the sharing of one with another on a deep, intimate level, heart-to-heart as well as fulfilling the “one-flesh” command. The eros concept in Scripture is most vividly and beautifully portrayed in the symmetrical interaction of lovers in the Song of Songs (Song of Solomon). Included within the Wisdom literature of the Bible, it is intended to show that intimate love within the marriage covenant is to be a practiced art and is both a God-given gift to man and an expression of praise to our Creator.
Finally, there is the highest and greatest level of love, the unconditional version. Agapeo (pronounced a-ga-pay-o) is the word we most commonly associate with Biblical “love” because it is the love that God has for us as His children. Rather than “love if someone will do this for us” or “love because someone is this to us”, agapeo is simply “I love you period...understanding who you are, what you’ve done, where you’ve come from, etc.” As powerful a concept as it is for God to have this kind of love for us, it is even more daunting to realize that He actually expects us to have this same kind of love for each other. Jesus makes this point very clear in John 15:12: “This is My commandment, that you love (version of agapeo) one another, just as I have loved (version of agapeo) you.” Wow, what a target we must reach, huh?
So, as we proceed through this “month of love”, let us be far more mindful of what we mean when we use that term “love”. When we say to our fellow Christians in church (or anywhere else for that matter), “I love you”, do we really mean it, first of all, or is it just a glib saying to assuage our consciences? If we do “love” them, do we love them enough? Is it just phileo or agapeo? And when it comes to our spouses, has the eros gone completely out of our tires, leaving only phileo to bind us together? Could it be that a good dose of the Song of Songs is in order?
Maybe this month we should pray that the Spirit of God Who dwells within our hearts and knows best what distinguishing types of love we need most in our lives, relationships and marriages will instill and ignite just the right ones in just the right spots for just the right purposes. He alone sees our deficiencies and knows exactly how to correct them. With His leading we can apply these phileo, eros and agapeo principles accurately with the desired Scriptural results. Then, as Jesus said, “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love one toward another” (rf. John 13:35).
